Family

I just don't get family sometimes . I sometimes feel like they always think that we need to take care of them , knowing it's hard to take care of yourself already. I don't know I'm just chilling at home waiting for mister and my mind is just running every which a way but the right way . All I ask is that God guides me the right direction. The one thing I do know is I can't take care of everyone like they expect me too. God please order my steps .... Nd I know I may have not have been the best servent in your eyes but I am your child who is coming to you for guidance so please guide me amen .....

HAVE I BEEN WITH A DL ALL ALONG???

Hey crazies !!! Last night as I was reading my magazines ( yea I'm still working on my vision board ) while Mister was doing what ever he does ( clip toe nails, fingernails, working or FB'ing and INST'ing ) in bed and the topic of how I display our love on any social network and he doesn't came up . Now he has never been the type to put our relationship on blast like that from 10 years ago , but he wears the wedding band I bought him and he is never scared to show his affection in public or even hide it in public, when you see us you know we are a couple. But my question to him is why not put a pic up of us why not post that he is having a date night with the MRisses. I know on my end and from my followers and friends our relationship is respected , but now my question is who is in your inbox or who is in your DM that you don't want anyone to see that your in a relationship with me. It makes me feel like he is ashamed of our relationship when I am far from being ashamed of being in one with him. He calls me crazy and stresses that he doesn't want anyone else but it's not him who I worry about but the world of the THOTS in GA. You know the ones that can care less of what you have with another and will throw ass at you like it ain't nothing butt a thang. Now I'm sure you guys are probably saying "you should be secure in your relationship" or " If you don't have trust in your relationship then why yall together" and again I will say it's not him I'm worried about. Honestly I'm the type of person that would say hey lets smash together if you feeling all that way, hell it aint no fun if your homie can't have none, but he is not that type. I mean if we did do it together how would we look at each other again especially him looking at me because I know I would most definitely be topping cause the pom pom is for his love only. I mean would you be able to have a threesome with your partner? I do know that it has been done and some relationships actually last longer and I get how it could but in my Jigga voice " It Ain't for everybody". It took a long time for me not to truly care or put it like this not have the thought process that my other half is cheating. Honestly I think it wasn't until I got cheated on by different people that I began not to care that is when I truly started to believe was done in the dark truly comes too the light. Until I was cheated on , by different people I no longer saw the need for me to go through the person's phone and try to sroll through there text messages or call log. I no longer saw the need to read how they responded to a persons comments or see if they liked or commented on someone else's picture. For starters it's exhausting and nerve wreaking going through all that and trying to figure out who is who . Let me tell you he has left his phone at home on many different occasions and not once have I went through his phone and yes I do know his code, but like the saying goes when you go searching you surly find what you are looking for and honestly I'm not looking for anything. The only thing I'm looking for is his face walking through the front door unharmed and his lips puckered up to give me sugar. I wonder if I am the only one that feels this way. Now don't get me wrong I use to be the typre that would go through phones and pictures looking for things but why it does nothing but cause heart ache so I figure if it's meant for me to find out I will and 9 times out of 10 I do. Am I the only one that feels this way? What say's you fellow crazies?????

Dear God

I know they say don't pray and worry but when it comes to a broken heart I can't help but to worry. My parents have been together for over 53 years and when I look at my father I see a heart broken man. I see a man that does not see hisself going on without his true love, but Dear GOD my prayer to you is that you please let me have him for five more years, five more years where I can pour all my love and affection on him and show him that all he has done and still does is appreciated. Five more years to create special memories, five more years to see him singing in the choir, five more years of him telling me my cooking taste just like my mothers. PLEASE GOD ALL I ASK FOR IS FIVE MORE YEARS WITH MY FATHER PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME THAT. I know one thing for sure is that I can not take another heart break or another love gone too soon ( WELL IN MY EYES IT'S TOO SOON ) Please God can you give me that just 5 more years. 5 more years I promise he is feed and he makes his doctors appointments, 5 more years where he can relax and live out his last days in peace this is my promise to you dear God. So please grant me this as I come to you as your child and yes I know this is a selfish request because if you take him also I too wouldn't see my self going on in this world without both of my true loves Lethia and James Alston by my side AMEN. 

SOMETHING ABOUT THE SOUTH

I Just love visiting my in-laws way deep down in the GA woods, yes the pollen count is high and gets all over the cars, but there is something about chilling on there porch in the rocking chair listening to the birds chirp, watching the dogs relax in the yard and waving to all drivers that pass the house ( THEY LIVED HERE FOR OVER 30 YEARS SO THEY KNOW EVERYBODY) . It's something about this place that makes me feel safe, I'm not sure if it's his mothers warm smile , hug or inviting spirit , or if it's his parents respect for our " SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP" which is hard to find amongst true southern men and women. It hasn't always been this way......wait let me take that back when me and the Mister had a fallen out they have said that he shouldn't be with a man and that's why we was always getting into it and so on and so on, but to my face showed me nothing but love and I guess that is another reason why I love them, no matter what type of fight the Mister and I had they showed me nothing but love. I remember the first time meeting his parents we came for a church function and we spent the whole day with them upon leaving his mother held my hand and gave me a big hug and kiss now when she held my hand I felt a little pinch or stick I should say, she winked at me and when I looked down it was money, his father did the same thing. When we finally got in the car and I looked at the money and counted a total of 150 dollars can you believe it 150 bucks and they just met me. They must of known that I would be in there sons life for the long haul and not just a 1 night fling, parents can always tell well at least my mother could. The deep south is and will always be a part of me, there actions made it easier to love and live in the south. 

Smile bright Atlanta

The pics below of what you will look like crazy looking right ....😂😂😂😂😂 this is my first 30 min treatment. They suggest I do two 30 minute treat ya back to back so now I'm on to the next

HIGH HEELS & THE HOLY SPIRIT

I know I know I have not been here a lot of lately but I am here today. A couple weeks ago I joined my families church and I am now a proud member of Sweet Home Mission Baptist Church. I also decided to get baptized again hey why not I want to renew my spirit in a whole. While I was in church the one thing I noticed was a lot of short dresses and skirts , plus skinney jeans along with stilletoes, now if there was a club or even a day party they were walking into I can see wearing some of the outfits that I saw but um CHURCH NO MA'AM. Here is where the problem comes in at why wear these outfits knowing you going to get your shout and praise on , along with the occasional fall out !!!! No one wants to see your panties well HELL I SURE DON'T dress proper when entering the house of praise and our lord and savior.  I hope these young ladies are not thinking they are going to catch.......please erase that, especially my church I do not see any free agents worth all that. I wonder if they even understand that young ladies of the church are paying close attention to the way they dress !?!?!?! Maybe it's me and the way I grew up when I use to watch my mother wrap her handkerchief over her kness even when her dress reached way past her kness. Those were the days.......What say you crazies ?????? Am I wrong for feeling this way?!?!? 

Royally PISSED OFF

OK sox for the last two hours I have been trying to upload videos of really talented african americans that will put a smile on anyoes face with their vidoes. I want to get the name and vidoes out there to help them. Why not ?!?! If I have the means to push and assist others reach their goals I will do what I can . And it pisses me off that BLOGGER WILL NOT LET ME UPLOAD A 15SEC video. If there is anyone out there who has done it before canyu please help me PLEASE. 

Something new

Okay so you guys know I'm always trying something new. Well today I received my Smile Bright Atlanta home teeth whitening kit . Can we say pumped especially since I quite smoking and drinking heavy I'm trying to better myself not only in the mental but also in the physical. I will lelt you know what my review is and how I am handling the whitening . Below I am attaching a pic of what came in the package which was Whitening gel, Led light ( Which comes with batteries) , mouth piece, and a shade guide. The company claims that you can get at least get 20 treatments out of this one tube of gel ( WHICH I DOUBT IT WOULD A PERSON LIKE ME I HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME ON MY HANDS I'M GOING TO BE WHITENING DAILY). If I like the results I would suggest you guys purchase it. Smile Bright Atlanta sometimes sales the kit for 25 dollars as oppose to

the 99 price tag it is normally. So if I say its a go jump on it. 

Trying something new

I follow this page on Instagram called do it yourself remedies ( all one word ) and found the recipe below and since I suffer from COPD I said hey why not give it a try. I will let you guys know a little later tonight how it taste and how it made me feel. I'm sure I will be up since I can't sleep at night.  

Book review

Okay so remember about two - three weeks ago I told you guys that I purchased the book Picture Perfect and I will give my review on it it. Well I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. It starts of with his child hood and how he grew up , to fatherhood at young age and finally finding true love and having the family that he always wanted as a child. I know it took me forever to read it and I am to blame but taking care of two elderly people and a 12 year old girl kind of keeps one busy.  Would I recommend this book YES I WOULD , COULD I RELATE TO THE BOOK? OH HELL YEA please support them you would not regret it !

 

Annoyed

It really annoyes me that I am the one that suffers from COPD and Bronchotis but have a Aunt and Neice that are to lazy to do anything!!!!! I am Annoyed that I have tio ask my neice to do the dishes or clean the bathroom when she knows it's her chores but MIND you hand is out everytime. I am annoyed that her mother left her basically my responsibility why she is in NY getting hijgh and doing what ever God knows . I am annoyed that my aunt can't cook or grocery shop. I am annoyed at my aunt that it tookher 10 yeara to come out here and help with my Mother with my grandmother and we she gets here she does nothing. I am annoyed that all she has to doo is feed my grandmother breakfst and dinner but yet and stil complains when all she does is feed her and drug granny up. THe moral of thie story is I'M ANNOYED

Uninvited guest

Ok so yesterday I was making spaghetti with meat and sausage sauce with garlic bread .....as I was making it I heard the door bell ring and I'm thinking I know this is not fed ex ..... And I was right it was my cousin!!! It's like she smelled the food from 3 miles away ughhhh. Now this is the same cousin that  was the first one to claim a bedroom set in our house as soon as we buried my mother, this is the same cousin that was living with us and my mother kindly asked her to leave because she doesn't have a filter on her mouth or thoughts. This is the same cousin that yells at you when she talks but when you call her on it she screams no I'm not, this is the same cousin when I was battling cancer and I lost weight said I never knew you can lose weight like that from cancer ( Please read between the lines) and when I called her out on it she claimed she didn't say that, but she couldn't get out of it because her daughter was there alos and heard her say the same thing I heard. Well anywho she came in and kindly sat down at the kitchen table and proceeded to watch family feud laughing all loud mind you never told anyone she was coming over. So I fixed my Granny's and my aunt's plate and of course I asked my cousin if she wanted some and like always she said "yes it was smelling so good and when I looked in the pot at the sauce I knew you was cooking" . When I tell you it took everything in me not to haul off and slap the taste buds out her mouth, first of all you don't go in my pots looking at nothing and secondly did you wash your hands ?!?!?!? Like come on dude would you go in your mother's house and do the same thing NO she wouldn't so why come to mine and do that. I am never stingy with food I don't care how I feel about you personally I don't know when you ate your last meal and I do unto others as I would want them to do to me even though it never works out that way. The moral of the story is don't come to peoples house unannounced and don't go into a cooks pots AND I THANK YOU 

Accepting my Mothers death

I just realized that I am learning to accept my mothers death, now don't get me wrong there are moments when I can't believe she is gone, but this morning my father was frustrated and said he wished my mother was here and I said to him well she is not so we have to do what we have to do to maintain the house hold. My mother is burdied at the church that my family attends and I think I avoided going because I didn't want to see her grave site it makes it more real. My father on the other hand visits her grave site every day he plants roses for her and he put a cross where her tomb stone will be and decorated it. At times I feel so bad for him they were married for 52 years so it's like he lost half of his body i just pray for him and make sure he eats ands takes his medication. Filling in my mothers shoes is not easy,when in a situation I always find myself asking " what would mommy do" and yes I know I can't do everything like she did but I try my damndest to get as close as I can........THERE IS ONLY ONE LETHIA MAE ALSTON and her shoes are hard to fill. I'm actually looking for a therapist to talk to cause I can't do this on my own. Never in a million years would I have guessed that my mother would be gone before my father she stop smoking over 30 years ago so when they told her she had lung cancer it was a shock, but she fought like a tropper and my mother will always be my role model. I know you guys are probably sick of me talking about my mother but this is an open diary for me and I find that when I release it here it gets a bit easier to accept that my mother is gone. So when you see a title about death or with the word mother in it you can skip over.......God bless and have a wonderful night.......oh if something pops in my head trust and believe I will be blogging about it.......AND I THANK YOU

My Granny

On March the 12th my granny will be 92 thank GOD , she suffers from alzheimers and dementia and it's getting harder every day to take care of her. Oh I forgot to mention she also diabetes every day we have to go in her room and remove food that she has taken from the pantry. Example this morning I found croutons not a few but a box  and I tried to explain to her that it's not a snack it goes on a salad. She doesn't remember. My worry is that she can go into a diabetic coma from the things she is eating and we won't know until the morning because we are all upstairs. Another example is her waking up at 1 am coming upstairs saying she is hungry my aunt gets her back in the room and then she starts screaming at the top of her lungs. My aunt closes the door my granny then turns around and comes up stairs around 6 am saying the same thing now I know why she is getting up at those times is because my aunt puts her bed by 7 pm and I tried to explain to my aunt that 7pm is way to early and we need to start letting her eat later instead of at 6 pm but she doesn't get it or has the patience. I think we are going to put her in a home soon. Do I want to NO but it's getting harder and harder to take care of her. I just don't know what to do !!! I'm scared to put her in a home because I hear so many horror stories , but her actions are leaving me with no choice. Oh I forgot to tell yall about this , two weeks ago she went outside with her robe on and no shoes and stood by the bus stop where my neice gets on the bus , the bus driver waited for my aunt to come and get her. My granny could of been hit by a car or attacked by a stray dog anything. I AM SO CONFUSED but she is not making it easy and trying to explain to her that she is hard, it's like talking to a 2 year old and she just says ok ok . I know my mother would not want her in a home so I am trying to honor my mother but taking care of my father , granny and cooking for the whole house and cleaning is becoming more and more difficult.I know I know why don't my aunt cook well she doesn't cook because she hoesn't know how too, she doesn't even know how to grocery shop so here is another task that is  placed on me. Dear, GOD I ask that you guide me in the right direction on what to do with my granny please I am confused and I am calling on you for guidance Amen...................WHAT WOULD MY FELLOW CRAZIES DO????

Product review

So remember I told you guys lately I have been on a online shopping frenzy, welp one of them was  from Clinique. I am so excited to try it. When I first went on there website I was just looking for a moisturizer but then I saw they had the three step skin care regimen which included the moisturizer so I decided hey why not .  I purchase the skin wash, toner , all about eyes ( puffiness and circles ),  and moisturizer all for  102.82 so I better see a dramatic change in my skin texture I guess we will see in a month. Below I posted a pic of the products so you can see the size which is kind of big so they will last a minute that is if my stealing ass cousin from ny don't get to them first. It's a damn shame I have to lock up my skin care, perfumes , sunglasses, and jewlery from family members in my own damn house......ugh just the thought of it is making me sick to my stomach 

Things that make you go HMMMMMM

So this morning I received a phone call from one of my mothers friends in NY I first I wasn't going to answer the phone but I said why not she probably wants to see how the family is doing. So I answered and we really had a nice conversation........Until we got to the real reason she called and it went down hill from there and it went something like this......

Her: Did your mother leave a message for me ? 

Me : A Message um no , when they told my mother there is no more they can do for her the doctors just drugged her up on 100 MG of morphine so she was out of it and she didn't talk at all.

Her: Oh .....PAUSE...... Well your mother owes me 1500 dollars and I was wondering who is going to pay it back to me !!

Me : PAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......( it took me a minute to count to 20 and calm down ) I said well I can start giving you 100 dollars a month starting next month.

Her: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Now honestly I wasn't mad that she ask for the money what I was mad at was the fact that we sat on the phone chopping it up for 15 minutes when she could of ask for the money from the beginning now that is 15 min of my life I can't get back. The reason why I am paying the debt back on my mothers behalf, NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE WILL SLANDER MY MOTHERS NAME NO ONE.......So later that day my brother called and I told him what happened can we say pissed he was pissed. He said first of all she didn't come to mommies funeral , secondly she hasn't called to check up on the family at all now she calls asking for money he said if it was him he would of told her GOODLUCK WITH THAT....LOL he also said that once mommy was buried that debt should of been forgiven since they was suppose to be so tight. Now I totally agree with him but I explained to him god forbid if it was one of us that passed and mommy would of received a call like that she would of paid it back and he agreed. His thing is our mother has only been in the ground for three months and we still are grieving , at times crying in disbelief that she is no longer with us and she asking for money. What can I say I am my mothers child and I know she would have done it for me. So I just put it down as an house expense.......What do you guys think comments welcome that is if anyone reads this HAHAHAHAHA 

Wow

All I can say is WOW !!! So yesterday after a day of shopping with my love and my niece ( I know I know I said I was not shopping any more but it was bedding something that we needed ) I was relaxing and decided to get on face book something I havent been doing lately because I felt instead of pouring my heart out on their I should be doing it on this blog which is the reason I started it. Well any way while scrolling through peoples post three pictures of my mother popped up saying that she posted the pics, now if you been following this blog you know she is no longer with us in the physical so I FREAKED OUT......Then I thought ok my father has her phone maybe he posted them I woke up this morning and NOPE he did not ok so that is another WOW !!! The three pics that she posted was one on her birthday with her smiling and another with her blowing a kiss at the camera and the last with her neice and my uncle. I am taking these pics as signs from my mother 1, She is smiling on me and letting me know that she is happy I am getting my self together 2, she is blowing me a kiss like she use to do from time to time when she was feeling smushy because my mother was never the type for all that hugging and smushy stuff but she was still loving and 3, I need to stay in contact with my uncle and her neice. If those are not the reasons I am going to take it that they are , why wouldn't I she is smiling on me and kissing me the two things that I always love about her. What's funny is yesterday we drsove by her grave site and my heart just got heavy, heavy because I have not been there to see her yet and the main reason is because I have been sick lately and I know she wouldn't wont me out in this cold weather, also I know I am going to break down something terrible but it's expected we just buried my queen 4 months ago so a good ole break down is sure to happen and I think I am just trying to avoid it.  As long as she keeps sending me signs that she is smiling on me I am OK with that Lethia Alston I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND NEVER FORGET YOU , YOU ARE MY QUEEN WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART........This post is dedicated to you.....

Rhymes with Snitch | Celebrity | Entertainment News : Princess Love Arrested for Abusing Ray J

NOW THIS IS SOME FUNNY SHIT I MEAN COME ON DUDE . He always pops off at the mouth now he is shamed in public but honestly I'm sure it was all for the camera of Love & Hip Hop we will see.



Rhymes with Snitch | Celebrity | Entertainment News : Princess Love Arrested for Abusing Ray J: Ray J's girlfriend Princess Love arrested in New Orleans for beating Ray to bloody pulp…

Rhymes with Snitch | Celebrity | Entertainment News : Anna Wintour Scolds KimYe About North West

Rhymes with Snitch | Celebrity | Entertainment News : Anna Wintour Scolds KimYe About North West: After North West threw her second fashion week front row temper tantrum, just as auntie Kendall Jenner was about to walk for Alexander Wa...

Does the love you have for one gets stronger for another if they pass???

A lot of you guys may not know but my mother and I were best friends we spoke at least four times a day she was the only one that would be able to calm me down when I got riled up she was the one that would get me out of a bind when in trouble . My mother has stood by my side through it all she stood by my side went I did my first stint in rehab at the age of 18 , she stood by my side the first time I got arrested at the age of 16 , she was the one who stood by my side and stand up for me when I would get called faggot.  My mother was also the one that would hold my hand and talk with me while I was getting my chemo not knowing in a few months I would be doing the same for her. When she died I felt like my soul was buried with her . Now I have my father to take care of they were married for 52 years she did everything for him picked out his clothes , food shopped for him, and the list goes on. Now I feel like the deep love that I have for my mother is now being poured on too my father and I basically took my mothers place now I am the one who is picking out his clothes , now I am the one that cooks the family dinner , I am the one that makes sure he takes his vitamins/medications and eats his meal. But I worry about him my mother passed away on October 31st, 2014 and my father visits her grave daily he makes sure that it is clean and he talks to her some say I should send him to a shrink but I'm like he is grieving he lost half of himself when my mother passed so let him sit at the grave site and talk to her. The other day my aunt says to me that when she talks with my father my mother is the only topic I'm like DUH THEY WERE MARRIED FOR 52 yrs and then I started thinking was she complaining I hope not with all that my father do for her TUH. So now I ask has the love for my father grew stronger since she passed ? This post is dedicated to my mother just to let her know that she will never be forgotten and my father to let him know that I am his rock and he can lean on me .Well enough of this I'm signing off God bless and have a safe night my fellow crazies 

Product review

Ok so when I purchased my iPad I also purchased the Zagg/folio key board I was excited but now so much. For starters when I opened the box it was no instructions or anything to let me know what certain keys mean on the keyboard. Also when I charge it and unplug there is no light to let me know if it's fully charge also I am suppose to be able to go a very long time between charges but here I am charging it again . I decided to check out you tube to see what others say about it and noticed mines is totally different my keys don't have back light it does not auto correct spelling . Basically it sucks she is going back first thing tomorrow . I give this product 2 out of five stars 

New Artist

For me to post about an artist besides Queen Bee says a lot!!! Banks not only possess soul but she also is sultry with it ! I can listen to this album from beginning to end but the songs that I have on repeat are Brain, Alibi,Goddess, and Fuck em only we know.  Below I posted a link to the song Brain which is at the top of my list give it a listen and let me know what you think. If the link below doesn't work you can find her on Spotify under Banks album title GODDESS........ENJOY

Click the link below to listen to Waiting Game

Banks • Goddess (Deluxe) on Spotify:
http://open.spotify.com/track/27mT3JdR3sRJyiMBFHdhB4

Sent from my iPad

GIRL CRUSH

Not only is she beautiful she is also talented and funny so I that's why I she is my girl crush of the day!!!

Social Media Newsfeed: Amber Rose vs. Kim Kardashian on Social Media | Yelp Open Data Project | SocialTimes

Social Media Newsfeed: Amber Rose vs. Kim Kardashian on Social Media | Yelp Open Data Project | SocialTimes

Its like he was talking to me

This below spoke volumes to me I just had to share

and I hope it does to you as well

New Read

I just purchased this book Picture Perfect by aurther Kordale Lewis and will give you guys my thoughts. Please bare with me because I'm doing a hundred things while also trying to read this book but I will let you know what I think.

OMG NO MORE SHOPPING FOR ME

Ok so in my last post I complained about all the shopping I am doing and today I went out  and bought a new Ipad air SMDH along with the key board. I felt the purchase was needed since Im going to take this blogging thing serious , the only thing though is the key board does not correct my spelling for me like if I used the Ipad's key board so I am  thinking about returning it. But wait do you guys want to know what the kicker part  is about the whole purchase .........375.00 open box AND HE SCORES AND THE CROWD GOES WILD yes maam 375 I honestly was ready to spend about 650-700 but my total was all under 500.00!!!! So I think I did good today........

Kids

My niece wants to go out in this with me shopping ....... TUHHHHHH NO MAAM NO HAM AND NO TURKEY ...... They will report me and arrest me for child abuse girl get your tail in there and change your clothes 

Don't you

Don't you just hate it when people take forever...... I got shit to do man ..... Don't you ?!?!? I know this was a short post but I'm hoping anyone that is reading this would add on ........well while I wait mine as well get my thoughts out I just realized I just gave up one vice ( drinking and smoking) for another shopping OMG not just in the store shopping but on line shopping eBay and groupon have become my friends but at least I'm getting things with discounts  ( I will be posting my reviews on the products I purchased ) but mind you I'm on my way out to do some shopping SMDH what's a boy to do..... CHARGE.....

Never

I will never give up on being me 

I will never give up on love 

I will never give up on loving you 

I will never give up on achieving my goals 

I will never give up on my faith 

I will never give up on achieving a healthy life 

I will never give up on helping others 

But most of all I will never give up on ME 

Are you out there?!?!?

I'm laying in the bed with my love and two babies ( and the bubble guts lawdddddd ) and started wondering does anyone read this blog ...........

Life choices and vision board

While I had my mini vacation I found out that I have high blood pressure and can actually die from upper respiratory failure which came as a shock to me but actually it shouldn't have with the life I live and was living . I have been drinking and doing drugs since the age of 16 so I get it but this time I am going to make a conscience decision to change . Never in a million years I thought I would be here but I am so now it is me that has to make a change hence the vision board pics soon to come .  Growing up I never was a child that new what I wanted to be you know the kids that say I want to be a cop fire fighter , or the president I just wanted to be and that is what I did I lived not the way some parents would want for there child but like my mother said I was hard headed . But what I realized is that I always pushed things to see how far I could go and get away with and once I got away with it I would go further and further hence my first rehab attempt at the age of 18, first arrest at 16, first shoplifting experience at 15 and trust it gets worst but I'm saving that for my auto biography lmao but I am though...... Well peeps I am signing off for now plus I have another blog I want to get off my chest just trying to choose my words wisely...... Night night 

Ghetto people should NOT AND I MEAN NOTTTTT work in hospitality

For the life of me I am not sure why ghetto people choose to work in hospitals , hotels, or be receptionist. Over the last week I have never seen so many non African Americans that were so ghetto I get it you want to be in the " now " but once I see a blond Caucasian or an Asian sounding like there from the slums of  Brooklyn Houston we have a problem or maybe it's just me !! For example when a family is visiting the hospital and walks up to the receptionist she should great them with a hello and ask where would they like to go or " hello how I may help you " . Not some Bumqita shaking her head with no smile , and no pleasant attitude . You don't know if the family has lost a love one , or a bad car accident . If I was the supervisor and saw this happening a talking two would happen and if it continue adios amigos . I just had the worst experience in one of Atlanta hospital " Atlanta medical to be exact" the Icu nurses, pca , and security guards were horrible nasty mean and rude (  I advise NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER GO HERE )! I would rather die they were loud , one nurse the whole day sat on her phone , two gay guys wait I mean queens were loud very confrontational and just plain rude but wait so were the charge nurse . I was going to complain to uppers Management and complain but decided against think they probably were the same way. Smh some say it's the area but I disagree I think it's the upbringing and how you see yourself so I guess that's them but I tell ya this never again!!! Signing off and out !!!

Virgo

Ok not sure if you know anything about Virgos but I'm here to tell ya we are worry warts we worry about everything. Along with being a worry wart I am also a hypochondriac I mean for the simplest thing like a bump on my back I will go to the ER, to me a thinking a simple sprain ankle is a broken in too 52 places one . But the worry thing gets me the most, and the thing I worry most about is death and when will it takes place so when it does happen I will be emotionally prepared for it but death one is never emotionally prepared for . Losing a loved one is the hardest thing I could have ever experienced as a matter of fact it is the worst thing to date that I have I experienced even though I knew there was a possibility of me losing my mother nothing prepared me for the emotions that it would bring. From laughing at the good times ( which was many ) that I shared with my queen , to crying and even contemplated suicide because not dealing with life seem more better then going on without Mommy. My higher power God and The fighter in me knows that my work here is not done so clearly that didn't work obviously I'm here talking to you guys lmao. Then there is the worry of losing my father I mean I think of it when I wake even before I sleep at night . Daddy is the only one ( Parent ) I have left so making his life last a bit longer is a priority. I know it seems selfish but what can I say I love that little man and all the little quirky things about him, I love cooking for him and making sure he eats daily why not he's my Dad my Papa Alston. So daily my prayer continues to keep this in it " dear God please at least give me five more years with my daddy cause I can't take losing another this year Amen. What say CraZies am I alone with this type of thinking?!?!? 

Life

Wow ok I know I really need to get my shit together and stop being sometimey ( if that is even a word ) with this blog but my life has had so many hurtles and turns but the one thing that made me almost lose my mind was the passing of my mother on October 31, 14. Yes you read correctly my queen has lost her battle with cancer the doctors informed her on the 28th there is no more they can do for her she gave up fighting on Wednesday the 29th came home on the30th and passed at 11:55 pm on the 31 st . When I tell you that was one of the hardest thing in life I had accept no let me take that back IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I HAD TO ACCEPT IN MY LIFE and I still have a problem accepting it honestly there are times I feel like giving up and resting with her but that is the one thing she would have hated me giving up, so like her I fight and use all options in this thing we call life until my higher power calls me plus I still have my daddy to care for (I JUST LOVE THAT LIL MAN ) ,a partner that loves me unconditionally , a brother that would be crushed along with family and friends so the fight in me is getting stronger every day. 

Bubble bath = thoughts

T

As I sit here in the tub listening to my new (well new to me old to others) favorite artist Banks, a little pray to God went out, for him to guide my steps and just show me the correct way to go. You know our thoughts sometimes can truly be our down fall because I sometimes think has god forsaken me?!?! I know in this thing called life I haven't been the perfect angel and sometimes think I deserve whatever happens to me but then I shake my head and remember that at that very moment my faith in God is being tested. I can count on both hands and probably both feet of how many times I should of been dead in the grave but my God has blessed me to see another day, when others younger then me has been called on home . It shows me that my work here on this earth is not done and yes I may be on borrowed time but I need to use it wisely and that's my problem I HAVE NO CLUE ON WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO, SO AGAIN MY GOD I ASK YOU TO ORDER MY STEPS AND LET ME WALK IN YOUR GREATNESS. I know I know some of you guys are reading this thinking " he must be this save born again Christian " no not yet but I do want to be a born again person ........