Virgo

Ok not sure if you know anything about Virgos but I'm here to tell ya we are worry warts we worry about everything. Along with being a worry wart I am also a hypochondriac I mean for the simplest thing like a bump on my back I will go to the ER, to me a thinking a simple sprain ankle is a broken in too 52 places one . But the worry thing gets me the most, and the thing I worry most about is death and when will it takes place so when it does happen I will be emotionally prepared for it but death one is never emotionally prepared for . Losing a loved one is the hardest thing I could have ever experienced as a matter of fact it is the worst thing to date that I have I experienced even though I knew there was a possibility of me losing my mother nothing prepared me for the emotions that it would bring. From laughing at the good times ( which was many ) that I shared with my queen , to crying and even contemplated suicide because not dealing with life seem more better then going on without Mommy. My higher power God and The fighter in me knows that my work here is not done so clearly that didn't work obviously I'm here talking to you guys lmao. Then there is the worry of losing my father I mean I think of it when I wake even before I sleep at night . Daddy is the only one ( Parent ) I have left so making his life last a bit longer is a priority. I know it seems selfish but what can I say I love that little man and all the little quirky things about him, I love cooking for him and making sure he eats daily why not he's my Dad my Papa Alston. So daily my prayer continues to keep this in it " dear God please at least give me five more years with my daddy cause I can't take losing another this year Amen. What say CraZies am I alone with this type of thinking?!?!? 

Life

Wow ok I know I really need to get my shit together and stop being sometimey ( if that is even a word ) with this blog but my life has had so many hurtles and turns but the one thing that made me almost lose my mind was the passing of my mother on October 31, 14. Yes you read correctly my queen has lost her battle with cancer the doctors informed her on the 28th there is no more they can do for her she gave up fighting on Wednesday the 29th came home on the30th and passed at 11:55 pm on the 31 st . When I tell you that was one of the hardest thing in life I had accept no let me take that back IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I HAD TO ACCEPT IN MY LIFE and I still have a problem accepting it honestly there are times I feel like giving up and resting with her but that is the one thing she would have hated me giving up, so like her I fight and use all options in this thing we call life until my higher power calls me plus I still have my daddy to care for (I JUST LOVE THAT LIL MAN ) ,a partner that loves me unconditionally , a brother that would be crushed along with family and friends so the fight in me is getting stronger every day. 

Bubble bath = thoughts

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As I sit here in the tub listening to my new (well new to me old to others) favorite artist Banks, a little pray to God went out, for him to guide my steps and just show me the correct way to go. You know our thoughts sometimes can truly be our down fall because I sometimes think has god forsaken me?!?! I know in this thing called life I haven't been the perfect angel and sometimes think I deserve whatever happens to me but then I shake my head and remember that at that very moment my faith in God is being tested. I can count on both hands and probably both feet of how many times I should of been dead in the grave but my God has blessed me to see another day, when others younger then me has been called on home . It shows me that my work here on this earth is not done and yes I may be on borrowed time but I need to use it wisely and that's my problem I HAVE NO CLUE ON WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO, SO AGAIN MY GOD I ASK YOU TO ORDER MY STEPS AND LET ME WALK IN YOUR GREATNESS. I know I know some of you guys are reading this thinking " he must be this save born again Christian " no not yet but I do want to be a born again person ........