Accepting my Mothers death

I just realized that I am learning to accept my mothers death, now don't get me wrong there are moments when I can't believe she is gone, but this morning my father was frustrated and said he wished my mother was here and I said to him well she is not so we have to do what we have to do to maintain the house hold. My mother is burdied at the church that my family attends and I think I avoided going because I didn't want to see her grave site it makes it more real. My father on the other hand visits her grave site every day he plants roses for her and he put a cross where her tomb stone will be and decorated it. At times I feel so bad for him they were married for 52 years so it's like he lost half of his body i just pray for him and make sure he eats ands takes his medication. Filling in my mothers shoes is not easy,when in a situation I always find myself asking " what would mommy do" and yes I know I can't do everything like she did but I try my damndest to get as close as I can........THERE IS ONLY ONE LETHIA MAE ALSTON and her shoes are hard to fill. I'm actually looking for a therapist to talk to cause I can't do this on my own. Never in a million years would I have guessed that my mother would be gone before my father she stop smoking over 30 years ago so when they told her she had lung cancer it was a shock, but she fought like a tropper and my mother will always be my role model. I know you guys are probably sick of me talking about my mother but this is an open diary for me and I find that when I release it here it gets a bit easier to accept that my mother is gone. So when you see a title about death or with the word mother in it you can skip over.......God bless and have a wonderful night.......oh if something pops in my head trust and believe I will be blogging about it.......AND I THANK YOU